Jessica Bebenek, I REMEMBER THE EXORCISM
This book is Joe Brainard’s classic “I Remember” from the perspective of a woman looking back on a formative but toxic relationship. It’s an exorcism of the lasting possessions of old loves, of insecurities and anxieties, of body politics and indie rock. It’s a reminder that sometimes we see what has to be done for a long time before we’re able—in all the ways we need to get able—to do it. It’s Manic Panic and Weezer and thigh-high socks, but with an ethos that’s so contemporary. Every reader should be prepared for moments of identification, but if you’re a Toronto hipster woman in your 30s with at least one douche ex in your emotional baggage, get ready to be seen, and sorry/not sorry ‘bout it.
Printed in a limited run of fifty copies at Product Photo in Toronto, this chapbook has a cover designed by Alysha Dawn, printed using thermography at Colour Code in Toronto. Typeset by Dani Spinosa, and hand-stitched by your fave editors in a cute cotton candy pink.
Sample segment:
I remember dying pink streaks (Cotton Candy, Manic Panic) into my bleached blonde hair. I remember it was partly self-sabotage because I was working as a waitress at a fancy restaurant but all the patrons seemed to like it.
I remember cutting my own hair because no hairdresser made me look as weird as I wanted to be.
I remember being afraid of being left alone.
I remember being afraid of leaving and living alone.
I remember panic attacks before I knew what they were called.
I remember pacing for an hour in the snowy yard of an apartment I was about to put a deposit down on, then pretending I thought we were supposed to meet at five, not four.
I remember fantasies of starting fresh. Bare cupboards and no one to surveil me.
I remember having a panic attack on a bus. I remember getting off the bus and walking into a construction site where I continued to have a panic attack. I remember it was very beautiful there, half taken apart in the sunset light.